Dating – The Emotional Side

By April 20, 2019 April 21st, 2019 One Comment

Some amazing creatures out there (shout out to my mom) were born with the ability to constantly care for people and somehow keep their sanity. Others (especially millennials) are definitely a lot more selfish and self-absorbed (gross generalization I know). Their want or need to care for someone else is not always present. As we grow older, we find that most people switch at some point in their lives but it’s also a bit of a wave.

Towards the end of my relationships, I’m over caring for someone else’s feelings. I want, in fact, need to be selfish because it’s so draining to not only consider my own feelings but a whole other human being’s feelings, as well. If your partner is upset, you now need to address this problem, whatever that problem may be. Of course, we’ve all been in the reverse position too where you’re the one in the shitty mood and your amazing partner is putting everything aside to make sure you’re feeling well. It’s important, it’s a huge part of a relationship. However, doing that for someone new or expecting someone new to do that for you, is always a bit strange and scary.

I’ve encountered a few angels that acknowledge their mood swings more frequently than the average person and they just politely remove themselves from social situations instead of putting that pressure or weight on their partner. That sense of awareness comes with lots of time and experience and probably some major time with a therapist. Too often we find it easy to unload our feelings unto our closest friends and family. All of my poor exes got my feelings unfiltered. Obviously we want to find someone to be our unfiltered self with but I’ve now learned to manage my own feelings a bit better as opposed to using my boyfriends as in house social workers.

What I’m really trying to get at though is that at some points in your life, you’re ready, willing even, to take on someone else’s daily rollercoasters and stick with them through it all. Other times, especially for people fresh out of a relationship, the thought of someone else’s emotions weighing on your plans, is insufferable. If you’re in the latter camp, take some time for yourself, give yourself what you need, be selfish, until you’re ready to embrace a whole new person and that whole new person’s full emotional ups and downs.

Faryar Ghaemi

Author Faryar Ghaemi

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