Dating

Too Real, Too Soon

By April 30, 2019 No Comments

A lot of my friends and I struggle with the idea of opening up to a new person too early. Why you might ask? You could fully open up to someone new right away and BAM, it’s a lot like love. Orrr you’ll say everything on your mind and BOOM, there’s a tornado that’s neither moving left nor right, which basically means that there’s a 50% chance it’s heading straight at you. I know what a lot of you are thinking, “If they can’t handle me at my worst…” No, I’m sorry, but put that completely overused and misrepresented quote aside. It doesn’t work that way. When you’re getting to know someone through work, friends, or college, they get to see pieces of you little by little and develop feelings for you. As a result, they’re not quite as disgusted when you show up to work hungover AF explaining that you’re late because you forgot about a last minute dentist appointment while still reeking of booze (joking). However, when you’re getting to know someone in a purely dating context, it’s harder to know how to straddle the line of exposing too much and possibly overwhelming the other person or concealing too much and not fully illustrating your beautiful personality and all its intricacies. I’ve had regret both ways.

I either crave to know more about the person when I sense that they’re not exposing their full personality to me or move on believing that they’re too dense for me. When they’re too real though, it can either be very attractive because they’re confident enough to disregard your judgments or they’re not emotionally aware enough to know that they should hold some things back when they first meet you. It’s interesting to think about how much you reveal about yourself to someone new and at what rate you unveil more and more. Thinking about the different ways I personally interpret a new person opening up underlines why it’s such a tricky subject and why it’s an internal dilemma every time.

At the end of the day, I’m happier with myself when someone new sees my personality in full bloom. Some people from my past that liked me only saw me in one light and I know for a fact that if we turned on the fluorescent lights, it would ruin their image of me. In some ways, it’s funny to think about but in other ways, I hated that their idea of me was constrained to this tiny little box. Once I get restless in that little box, I’m going to have to burst out and that ain’t gonna be pretty. I’ll end here with yet another article that gives absolutely no answers.

Faryar Ghaemi

Author Faryar Ghaemi

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